Unless you are a mother, father, daycare provider or diaper company, I understand how you could easily be offended by that word. There are many words that have become a second language to me since December 30th, 2008. Some of those words are colon, rectum, anus and POOP! At my recent surgeon visit, Bill and I actually giggled at how many times poop was said between us and my surgeon. When I first started explaining this disease to people, I would try to stay away from most of those words. Now they just seem to fall out of my mouth like I was saying the most beautiful words in the English language.
Let me back up a bit. It is amazing how in a matter of moments - notice I said moments and not seconds, your life goes from being somewhat easy to understand to forever changed. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing, I'm sure we don't know at that moment. In my moment, I took my 13 year old son to get a new pair of glasses. I can remember everything that we talked about that morning......or argued about because his idea of fashion and mine are very different. I remember what Bill, Ashton and myself were talking about in the lobby while we waited for the eye doctor. Then, I remember feeling the knot on his head and being somewhat alarmed by it, but I told myself it was probably a big cyst or that was the way his skull grew. I wasn't worried. I will never forget that day and when someone asks me how this all started, the first thing I think of is Ashton telling me that he kissed a girl for the first time the night before.
I won't take you back through the rest of the process of us learning that Ashton had Familial Adenomatous Polyposis/Gardner's Syndrome. Those days were filled with doctor's appointments, phone calls, research and learning my family history. I didn't have time for anything else, besides getting my son healthy. When I worried, I looked up more things on the Internet.....which only led to more worry. Sadly, Ashton will have to become familiar with all those same words......colon, rectum, anus and POOP. At 13 he has been poked and examined in places that no 13 year old boy could ever imagine or should have to and he has handled it with his head held high. People always ask me how Ashton is handling things or how he is dealing with me finding out that I have it.......or how I'm being strong for him. What most people don't know is that Ashton is who I look up to. He's the one that reminds me that this is just something we have to do and that when his surgery day comes, he's going to do it for him, not for me. He wants to live, not die from this disease too early in his life. So often we think we are teaching our children, but they are teaching us.
There is something different in the way you feel about saving your child and saving yourself. There was a difference for me anyway. Ashton was my first love. My little "oops" that changed my path in life. I was willing to do anything to keep him healthy. However, when the time came that I found out I had the disease, I had done way too much research. I knew exactly what it meant. While I was so set on doing everything possible to keep Ashton from having cancer, I wasn't willing to do the same things for myself. I had the same thoughts that any other woman would. I need to stay on top of this and get the treatment so that I will be here for my family and my future family.....but at the same time, I wanted to live out my years with my colon, rectum and anus right where it was. I didn't want to worry about POOP.
I was given a book shortly after I found out. The title is, "Thrive, don't simply Survive - Passionately Live the Life You Didn't Plan." I was resentful of this book and my situation in the beginning. I wasn't mad at God because I truly believe that God uses situations to change our lives and the lives of others. I don't think I'm being punished for my faults because even the best of us have faults. I got mad at life. Why me? Why now? Why my child? Then, why me came again. I didn't have time to be sick myself. I needed to take care of my son and this was just a major road block to my goal! I know any mother would agree that in our family, we come last. I was going to have to put myself first and I still have not learned how to do that. My pride and vanity began to take over.
Information about Familial Adenomatous Polyposis at: http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition=familialadenomatouspolyposis
Let me back up a bit. It is amazing how in a matter of moments - notice I said moments and not seconds, your life goes from being somewhat easy to understand to forever changed. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing, I'm sure we don't know at that moment. In my moment, I took my 13 year old son to get a new pair of glasses. I can remember everything that we talked about that morning......or argued about because his idea of fashion and mine are very different. I remember what Bill, Ashton and myself were talking about in the lobby while we waited for the eye doctor. Then, I remember feeling the knot on his head and being somewhat alarmed by it, but I told myself it was probably a big cyst or that was the way his skull grew. I wasn't worried. I will never forget that day and when someone asks me how this all started, the first thing I think of is Ashton telling me that he kissed a girl for the first time the night before.
I won't take you back through the rest of the process of us learning that Ashton had Familial Adenomatous Polyposis/Gardner's Syndrome. Those days were filled with doctor's appointments, phone calls, research and learning my family history. I didn't have time for anything else, besides getting my son healthy. When I worried, I looked up more things on the Internet.....which only led to more worry. Sadly, Ashton will have to become familiar with all those same words......colon, rectum, anus and POOP. At 13 he has been poked and examined in places that no 13 year old boy could ever imagine or should have to and he has handled it with his head held high. People always ask me how Ashton is handling things or how he is dealing with me finding out that I have it.......or how I'm being strong for him. What most people don't know is that Ashton is who I look up to. He's the one that reminds me that this is just something we have to do and that when his surgery day comes, he's going to do it for him, not for me. He wants to live, not die from this disease too early in his life. So often we think we are teaching our children, but they are teaching us.
There is something different in the way you feel about saving your child and saving yourself. There was a difference for me anyway. Ashton was my first love. My little "oops" that changed my path in life. I was willing to do anything to keep him healthy. However, when the time came that I found out I had the disease, I had done way too much research. I knew exactly what it meant. While I was so set on doing everything possible to keep Ashton from having cancer, I wasn't willing to do the same things for myself. I had the same thoughts that any other woman would. I need to stay on top of this and get the treatment so that I will be here for my family and my future family.....but at the same time, I wanted to live out my years with my colon, rectum and anus right where it was. I didn't want to worry about POOP.
I was given a book shortly after I found out. The title is, "Thrive, don't simply Survive - Passionately Live the Life You Didn't Plan." I was resentful of this book and my situation in the beginning. I wasn't mad at God because I truly believe that God uses situations to change our lives and the lives of others. I don't think I'm being punished for my faults because even the best of us have faults. I got mad at life. Why me? Why now? Why my child? Then, why me came again. I didn't have time to be sick myself. I needed to take care of my son and this was just a major road block to my goal! I know any mother would agree that in our family, we come last. I was going to have to put myself first and I still have not learned how to do that. My pride and vanity began to take over.
Information about Familial Adenomatous Polyposis at: http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition=familialadenomatouspolyposis
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