"We must adequately face our grief, but we must also accept our new set of circumstances and begin to move on. How do we move through grief and toward acceptance? Most of us have never taken a course in 'How to Handle Disappointment.' We simply stumble through the emotions and pain, hoping to find joy once again."
Let me tell you the single hardest part of where I am at right now. I don't have any pain. They want me to have this drastic surgery and I feel fine.....completely fine. I like to think that if I was in pain, it would be easier to accept. I guess I will never know.
I went to see the surgeon last week. Dr. Mac is a funny and encouraging guy. I'm happy to have him as my surgeon. I'm sure Bill would agree. I dreaded that appointment for days before I went. I knew he was going to confirm what I already knew and honestly, I didn't want to hear it again. I was extremely concerned that he was going to tell me that I either had to wear a bag on the outside permanently or even temporarily. Either way, I was not having it! I went in with that attitude too.
Dr. Mac explained the entire surgery to Bill and I, answered all our questions and then told me that I would benefit from wearing the bag for 12 weeks while my J-Pouch (colon made from my small intestines) and my new rectum (made from the same) were able to heal where they were sewing it to my anus. I also want to tell you how happy I am that I get to keep my anus. Some of us are not so lucky. I've never been a farting girl, but it is nice to know that I could if I wanted to!
I agreed to the bag for 12 weeks. He's very convincing. To this day, I am still disgusted with the fact that I am going to have my intestine stitched to a hole in my stomach so that my poop will fall into a bag on the outside of my body. Being able to see and touch my small intestine on a daily basis is not my idea of excitement! I know there are worse things in life, but I don't think you can truly understand how gross that is until you are faced with it yourself.
It has brought up some funny stories though. One of my daycare parents came to pick up his son one day. He also happens to be our landlord. Anyhow, I was telling him that I was irritated by this woman that walks her dog every morning and allows him to poop on my grass. There was still unclaimed poop at the edge of my lawn. His solution was that I walk down to her house after I have my bag on and squirt some poop on her lawn. That image and the fact that I could do it....gag!! HORRIBLE! I got a good laugh out of it though. That was the first comment that had been made that didn't include me crying during or after.
My surgery is set for Tuesday, April 21, 2009 at 7:30. I gave all of that information because I am counting down the days until it comes. It is not an eager countdown, but a count of how many days I have until life changes for a while. I've told several people that I may gain 20 pounds before I go in for surgery...and it may very well be from cupcakes! I plan to eat anything and everything now!
Let me tell you the single hardest part of where I am at right now. I don't have any pain. They want me to have this drastic surgery and I feel fine.....completely fine. I like to think that if I was in pain, it would be easier to accept. I guess I will never know.
I went to see the surgeon last week. Dr. Mac is a funny and encouraging guy. I'm happy to have him as my surgeon. I'm sure Bill would agree. I dreaded that appointment for days before I went. I knew he was going to confirm what I already knew and honestly, I didn't want to hear it again. I was extremely concerned that he was going to tell me that I either had to wear a bag on the outside permanently or even temporarily. Either way, I was not having it! I went in with that attitude too.
Dr. Mac explained the entire surgery to Bill and I, answered all our questions and then told me that I would benefit from wearing the bag for 12 weeks while my J-Pouch (colon made from my small intestines) and my new rectum (made from the same) were able to heal where they were sewing it to my anus. I also want to tell you how happy I am that I get to keep my anus. Some of us are not so lucky. I've never been a farting girl, but it is nice to know that I could if I wanted to!
I agreed to the bag for 12 weeks. He's very convincing. To this day, I am still disgusted with the fact that I am going to have my intestine stitched to a hole in my stomach so that my poop will fall into a bag on the outside of my body. Being able to see and touch my small intestine on a daily basis is not my idea of excitement! I know there are worse things in life, but I don't think you can truly understand how gross that is until you are faced with it yourself.
It has brought up some funny stories though. One of my daycare parents came to pick up his son one day. He also happens to be our landlord. Anyhow, I was telling him that I was irritated by this woman that walks her dog every morning and allows him to poop on my grass. There was still unclaimed poop at the edge of my lawn. His solution was that I walk down to her house after I have my bag on and squirt some poop on her lawn. That image and the fact that I could do it....gag!! HORRIBLE! I got a good laugh out of it though. That was the first comment that had been made that didn't include me crying during or after.
My surgery is set for Tuesday, April 21, 2009 at 7:30. I gave all of that information because I am counting down the days until it comes. It is not an eager countdown, but a count of how many days I have until life changes for a while. I've told several people that I may gain 20 pounds before I go in for surgery...and it may very well be from cupcakes! I plan to eat anything and everything now!
Information about Familial Adenomatous Polyposis at: http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition=familialadenomatouspolyposis
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