"A journey may be long or short, but it must start at the very spot one finds oneself."
I thought my journey started in December when we found out about this disease, was I ever wrong! I think for the past 4 months I have been packing my bags and getting ready for the trip. I'm sure many of you would agree that we think the journey begins at the very moment that our circumstances did, but I don't see it that way now.
I woke up this morning and there was light. Just so you all know, my light has always been pink. Hence, the name of the blog. Since I was a little girl and we would sing, "This Little Light of Mine," I imagined that my little light was bright pink. This is going to be emotional to explain because trying to describe how I feel today isn't easy. There isn't one word that is grand enough to express my emotions. It has been so dark and cloudy lately, I could not see a grain sized speck of light. I think it was because I know the hard part is coming and I haven't accepted my circumstances yet. Therefore, there is no relief to be found. I've just had a big ball of anticipation growing inside of me.
I have to say again, that I would not be in the place that I am today if I didn't have the support and kind words of friends and family. I've said before that I deal with low self image on a regular basis. Isn't that one of the hardest struggles to defeat? I have let the opinions of only a few people dictate who I thought I was over the years. As I began to accept those false thoughts, I started to accept negative thoughts about life. I began to think that I deserved certain things that happened to me and instead of fighting, I backed down. You never want to accept defeat. Today when I saw the light coming in through the clouds, I started to see myself again. It's a cloudy day and there is a chance of rain, but the rain smells so good because I can breathe again. I decided to put negative opinions that other's have aside because that is not who I am. I have let those negative influences tell me that I'm not good enough, kind enough, generous enough, smart enough or loved enough. I shed that layer of skin and put on a whole new one. It is so easy to loose sight of the bigger picture. Life can be so humbling and circumstances remind us of who we are or who we want to be. We can't sit around and wait to become the person that we are destined to be, we have to jump in and get started. My journey began today as I traded in the scared little girl card for a strong, faithful woman deck! Acceptance is GOOOOD! It is comfortable and fits well, like a great pair jeans.
There is a song on my playlist right now that is a powerful and moving song. If you haven't heard it before, I'm posting the link so you can listen to it. I'll also give you the words. This song says everything about my new beginning and maybe yours...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aley9_d8vrE
Today I found myself
After searching all these years
And the man that I saw, he wasn't at all who I thought he'd be
I was lost when you found me here
And I was broken beyond repair
Then you came along and you sang your song over me
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
In my life
Make a promise to me now
Reassure my heart somehow
That the love that I feel is so much more real than anything
I've a feeling in my soul
And I pray that I'm not wrong
That the life I have now, it is only the beginning
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
For the very first time
I wasn't looking for something that was more
Than what I had yesterday
Then you came to me and you gave to me
Life and a love that I've never known
That I've never felt before
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time
In my life
I thought my journey started in December when we found out about this disease, was I ever wrong! I think for the past 4 months I have been packing my bags and getting ready for the trip. I'm sure many of you would agree that we think the journey begins at the very moment that our circumstances did, but I don't see it that way now.
I woke up this morning and there was light. Just so you all know, my light has always been pink. Hence, the name of the blog. Since I was a little girl and we would sing, "This Little Light of Mine," I imagined that my little light was bright pink. This is going to be emotional to explain because trying to describe how I feel today isn't easy. There isn't one word that is grand enough to express my emotions. It has been so dark and cloudy lately, I could not see a grain sized speck of light. I think it was because I know the hard part is coming and I haven't accepted my circumstances yet. Therefore, there is no relief to be found. I've just had a big ball of anticipation growing inside of me.
I have to say again, that I would not be in the place that I am today if I didn't have the support and kind words of friends and family. I've said before that I deal with low self image on a regular basis. Isn't that one of the hardest struggles to defeat? I have let the opinions of only a few people dictate who I thought I was over the years. As I began to accept those false thoughts, I started to accept negative thoughts about life. I began to think that I deserved certain things that happened to me and instead of fighting, I backed down. You never want to accept defeat. Today when I saw the light coming in through the clouds, I started to see myself again. It's a cloudy day and there is a chance of rain, but the rain smells so good because I can breathe again. I decided to put negative opinions that other's have aside because that is not who I am. I have let those negative influences tell me that I'm not good enough, kind enough, generous enough, smart enough or loved enough. I shed that layer of skin and put on a whole new one. It is so easy to loose sight of the bigger picture. Life can be so humbling and circumstances remind us of who we are or who we want to be. We can't sit around and wait to become the person that we are destined to be, we have to jump in and get started. My journey began today as I traded in the scared little girl card for a strong, faithful woman deck! Acceptance is GOOOOD! It is comfortable and fits well, like a great pair jeans.
There is a song on my playlist right now that is a powerful and moving song. If you haven't heard it before, I'm posting the link so you can listen to it. I'll also give you the words. This song says everything about my new beginning and maybe yours...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aley9_d8vrE
Today I found myself
After searching all these years
And the man that I saw, he wasn't at all who I thought he'd be
I was lost when you found me here
And I was broken beyond repair
Then you came along and you sang your song over me
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
In my life
Make a promise to me now
Reassure my heart somehow
That the love that I feel is so much more real than anything
I've a feeling in my soul
And I pray that I'm not wrong
That the life I have now, it is only the beginning
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
For the very first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
For the very first time
I wasn't looking for something that was more
Than what I had yesterday
Then you came to me and you gave to me
Life and a love that I've never known
That I've never felt before
It feels like I'm born again
It feels like I'm living
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time
It feels like I'm breathing
It feels like I'm moving
For the very first time
I'm living for the first time
In my life
Information about Familial Adenomatous Polyposis at: http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition=familialadenomatouspolyposis
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